


Panic and talking

by Joujou14



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Bombs, Clay Spenser Whump, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Panic, Panic Attacks, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joujou14/pseuds/Joujou14
Summary: Something isn't right with Clay and the team falls into controlled panic.Emma keeps her calm and talks to her Uncle C.Set shortly after Clay returnes from the rehab after the Philipines.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Panic and talking

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore the way Clay felt after returning to duty and I wanted to lay more focus on the dynamics of the Bravo family.  
> Let me know what you think :)

The mission had been hard but it finally was over and Clay had nothing in mind but falling into his own bed. In his own apartment, without Sonny and Brock snoring into his ears. Like seriously, how did he manage to sleep with them in a room before the bomb...well, before the bomb took him out for eight months. The eight months had been filled with silence and loneliness so maybe he wasn’t that mad about Sonny disturbing his precious sleep. But now he was really tired and the debriefing that he had to endure the last two hours drained all of energy.

Sonny suddenly clapped him on his shoulder startling him out of his day dreams. “Hey, Poster boy. We are doing a barbecue at mine, do you wanna join us?” Debating the options in his head Clay finally shook his head. “Thanks Sonny, but I just wanna sleep this of. It was only my second mission after the time out and I am ready to sleep on the spot.” The rest of the team overheard the conversation and Trent could not help but be worried. “Come here, kid.” Clay rolled his eyes but one look at his chief master and he knew that he had no option.

“Jason, seriously. I am okay, just a little bit tired.” The stern look on Trent’s face made Clay move. A few minutes and a lot of poking later Trent nodded. “Yeah, the swelling on your head is superficial. It could be a mild concussion. But it will fade in a few days. Get rest and don’t take aspiring. Nothing would be better, understood? No one knows how you react to anything anyways.” The team was laughing again and Clay turned to leave towards the room with their cages. “Sure not like that’s my first concussion.”

The comment did nothing to calm the others down but Clay was already strolling away from them. Jason turned from watching the blond man towards his team. “Let him be. He is exhausted and deserves a break. Who knows when we will leave for another mission. I’ll get some bear and bring Emma and Mikey.” Team Bravo nodded and started to banter with each other. “Jason? Where is your head?” Ray was suddenly standing at his side, a hand on his shoulder. Jason looked his best friend in the eyes. “Something isn’t right. I can feel it.” 

“Clay?” Ray seemed troubled. “He is at the base and there are enough people who look out for him, alright? And Trent confirmed that Clay is alright.” Jason nodded and took off his cap. “I know, okay? But something is off. I’ll take a look for myself. See you guys later.” The rest of Bravo continued to chatter while Jason made his way over to the cages. Sure, everybody would say that Clay is nowhere safer than on the base surrounded by Officers, Chiefs and especially the Bravo Team. But they didn’t know of Clay’s ability to find problems everywhere. 

Scanning his card Jason pushed the heavy door open. A grateful sigh escaped Jason when he caught sight of the younger man. “I thought you wanted to go home. Normally you are hell of a lot faster to vanish.” Holstering his backpack Jason grabbed his other luggage bag. “Hey, are you too tired to answer your boss?” Something was odd about the blond soldier. He still hadn’t moved and Jason hasn’t received a snarky remark. “Clay? Are you alright?”

***** 2 Minutes earlier *****

Clay had just turned away from his teammates raising his hand to shut Sonny up. The rest off the way towards his cage Clay had to think about his apartment. His fridge would be empty and he had no more cans of conserved food. A groan escaped him. He had no food and no energy left to buy some. Great, another day without proper rest and food. 

Greeting another Officer Clay pushed the door open. It couldn’t have cost him more than 20 seconds to open his cage and grab his jacket when suddenly a mobile phone rang. “Shit, what is it?” Pulling out his own phone Spenser frowned. It wasn’t his phone and no one of the team was there, so was he hearing phantom ringing already? Surely he wasn’t that crazy already. Taking a few steps out of his cage he followed the sound. Maybe it was from Sonny, or Brock.

Taking another step towards Sonny’s cage he shook his head. Nah, it wasn’t a mobile phone from Sonny. So, it was Brock who had a mysterious phone. Who knows what for. Opening the unlocked door he saw what was ringing and suddenly he couldn’t move. No matter what he tried but his limbs just wouldn’t respond to his head. And was the ringing louder than before? It was vibrating trough his skull like the pressure wave of missile. He could hear a voice calling distantly for him but somehow he couldn’t really hear it. 

***** Jason at the same time ******

“Shit, what is going on Spenser? Are you having a seizure?” His bags were thrown to the floor with a dull thud. Rounding the big table in the middle Jason slowly approached Clay. “Clay, are you with me?” The nearer he got the more he could see the vibrations of Clay’s body. All of the other mans muscles were incredibly tense and his hands were shaking at his sides. “I need help in here. Get Team Bravo-” His shots were cut short when Eric Blackburne himself opened the door. “Jason? What are you yelling about?” Eric could see the way Clay wasn’t moving and the helplessness in Jason’s posture was kind of scaring him. 

“I’ll get Trent and the others.” Jason nodded and turned his attention back to Clay. “Come on Spenser, what the hell is going on with you?” Suddenly a phone began to ring and Clay moved. His hands were now covering his ears and eyes were shut close. A whimper was all indication Jason got before Clay crashed to the ground. Time seemed to slow down when Jason saw Clay’s right leg give away under the tension of his muscles. Falling towards the right his right shoulder hit the metal frame first causing him to turn on his left side and fall forward. His fall was stopped abruptly by the floor where his hips crashed into some boots from Brock. The only miracle was the way his hands protected his head from hitting the hard floor.

Jason was on his side in an instance and grabbed Clay’s wrist to search for a pulse but the only response he got was an even louder whimper from the other man. Or maybe Clay said something to him but Trent was the only one fluid in Clay’s slurred speech. Jason couldn’t remember a time he had felt more relive from hearing Sonny swearing. The team had sprinted trough half of the base trying to get to their teammates. “Whit, Blondy. You are always getting into trouble. Even here.” Trent pushed Jason aside and turned his attention to the muttering form of Spenser laying on the ground. 

“Hey Spenser, it is me. Trent. I will grab your wrist to feel your pulse.” He put his fingers carefully around the others wrist. “It is a little bit too fast and maybe erratic. I need oxygen and a mask from my locker.” Someone took off and returned with an oxygen mask. “Here.” Trent took the mask and sighed. “Ray, I need you to come here. Go around me and sit at his head. Take the mask and put it over his mouth and nose like that. ” Ray nodded and made his way towards Clay’s head. Taking the mask from Trent he carefully held it to Clay’s nose and mouth. Sitting were he was he could see the eyes shut tightly. “What is wrong with him?”

Trent turned around again and looked at Jason. “Did he hit his head or did he say that something hurt? Why is he holding his ears?” His boss seemed agitated. “No, no. He didn’t his head because of his hands and I don’t know why he is holding them like that. I was talking to him but he didn’t move and when the phone began to rang he grabbed his ears and fell.” Brock passed Trent and grabbed his black backpack. “I have a burner phone with my girlfriend. She probably called me to know when we will be ready to leave and she wanted to bring Cerberus.” Trent nodded and looked down at the still trembling form of Clay. “He has a panic attack.” 

A moment of silence interrupted by Clay’s heavy breathing settled in the room. “What do you mean he has a panic attack?” Sonny was the first one to find words and they were almost yelled. “He told me about his dreams of a black backpack with a phone ringing. That was the last thing he saw before the back exploded.” Jason grabbed his hair and turned away. “Of course. It was a Backpack bomb. And the ringing of the phone and seeing the backpack caused him to fall into a panic attack… What can we do?” Ray was still holding the mask and began to rub Clay’s arm slowly. “We are here Clay. You are in Venice Beach and the whole team is here. You are safe.” 

Suddenly Brock ran as if he was chased. “What the hell?” Sonny wasn’t the only one not understanding what had gotten into Brock. A rescue blanket was spread over Clay with Trent and Ray quietly talking to their younger teammate. The only thing Jason and Sonny could do was walking up and down.

******Brock****** 

“Of course it had to be in that moment that she called. Why didn’t I take the damn phone with me?” Brock was currently running trough the compound like a hunted animal. His destination was the parking lot where his girlfriend and Cerberus where probably already waiting. To his disappointment the other families where already there too and a running SEAL never meant anything good. He sped up a little more and noticed the worried faces. “Take Cerberus out.” 

Not for the first time was Brock relieved that Cerberus was that well trained and that his girlfriend seemed to feel the urgency in his voice. Emma and Mickey had been sitting on the back of Jason’s truck but now they jumped down. “What is going on?” The others seemed a little bit panicked as well. “We will explain later but Clay is paving a panic attack and I need Cerberus to calm him down.” It seemed as if the dog had understood everything because he was nervously looking at Brock and the base. As soon as Brock gave the command Cerberus was running at his side back to the cage room, leaving confused families back at the parking lot.

The door was pushed open and an agitated dog made his way over to the teammate on the ground. Sniffling around he couldn’t smell any blood. That was good. Brock took his collar and gently lifted him between the metal fence and Clay’s body. Cerberus immediately pushed his body against the blond soldier and nudged the mans arms. Slowly one arm loosened its grip on the blond curls, grabbing the soft fur instead. A sigh of relief could be heard from everyone. Clay was slowly coming out of the panic attack and he would be alright.

It took a few more minutes for Clay to become aware of his surroundings. He was laying on the ground and his hip was hurting. “Wh’t happ’nd?” Trent’s face came into view quickly. “You had a panic attack and crashed on the floor.” Adrenaline flooded Clay’s body forcing him to sit up. He couldn’t have had a panic attack. Not here, not with Team Bravo seeing him this vulnerable. “No. I – I.” Jason lowered himself to the ground and grabbed the other man by his shoulders. “You are alright. It was a flashback from the ringing phone in the black bag. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Something bad happened to you not long ago and you need more time to process that.”

Sonny grinned at Clay. “It is alright GQ. This isn’t making you any less tough. Not in the eyes of your brothers. We all have our struggles and almost everyone has at least one panic attack in their life.” The others nodded. “Well, lets try to stand up, shall we?” Ray and Trent grabbed Clay under his arms and helped the other stand up. Dropping his head and closing his eyes Clay tried to shake away the vertigo. “I am fine.” Trent nodded.

“It is a common side effect to be exhausted. Your muscles were under stress for almost 20 minutes and the fall on the hard floor won’t do a favor on an already battered body. But I checked you over and I don’t see any bigger bruises. Look out for growing bruises, alright?” Clay nodded and slowly shuffled forward. The walk seemed to wake him up a bit and by the time the team arrived at the parking lot he almost felt human again. But seeing the families waiting for their soldiers he suddenly remembered that he had caught a ride there with Davis. He had no car to ride back with and he probably wasn’t cleared to drive anyways. 

But lying down in the car would feel like heaven right now. The others had noticed the lack of vehicle for Clay to drive. It was probably better that way or else Spenser would have argued with them to let him drive. Jason looked over at Emma and saw her nod. His daughter was really something special. “We are taking you home Goldilocks.” Clay opened his mouth to argue but thought better of it. “Thank you boss. Oh, hey Emma, hey Mikey.” Jason shooed his son towards the passengers door. Going over to his daughter he whispered. “Good to see you. Thank you for helping him.” Emma nodded and looked at Clay who was slowly making his way towards the back of the car. 

“Do you want me to drive or should I look out for him in the back?” Considering for a few seconds Jason took the keys. “You are better at looking out for others than me. Let him sleep it off. He had a rough mission.” Emma nodded and opened the door opposite to Clay. Settling into their seats Jason pulled out of the parking lot. “Hey Uncle Clay, could you help me with my politics homework?” Clay looked over at Emma and smiled. The kid was really smart and he felt honored by her request of his help. “Sure sure. I will come over tomorrow and help you. What is the – the...” Clay was already feeling drowsy from the panic attack and the rocking of the car was lulling him to sleep.

Soon his head was dropping to his chest. Emma unbuckled and slid over to her fathers brother. Unbuckling him as well she laid him on his side, settling his head on her lap. Buckling up again she smiled down at the young man. He was barely ten years older than her and had already seen horrifying scenes all over the world. She knew that Clay was a tough man and that he had survived a lot of things like a bomb and being shot at. But right now he was just family and she wanted to care for him. Clay had saved her father numerous times and it was time for her to repay him at least a little bit for that. Her fingers were slowly running trough his curls, some of which were still dusty.

It took her father another twenty hours to pull into their driveway. There was no chance that they would leave the man alone in his lonely apartment right now. “We are home, Uncle C. Time to wake up.” Jason had already got out of the drivers seat by the time Clay was coherent. Embarrassment turned his pink a light shade of pink but Emma didn’t mind at all. Her father had opened the door and weighed between carrying Spenser in a fireman carry or just supporting him to walk by himself. Seeing the blush Jason decided that the other SEAL would be alright to walk the short distance.

“Mikey, can you please open the door already?” Clay had managed to sit up by himself and turned to exit the car but his foot got stuck on the car frame because of his sluggish movements. The strong hands of his boss caught him. “Come on, sleepyhead. I’ll help you.” His arm was thrown over Jason’s neck taking some weight from Clay’s struggling body. Looking up Clay noticed that they weren’t at his own apartment. “Hey, that isn’t mine.” His voice was sleepy and he would have moaned more about it but sleeping anywhere would be a blessing right about now. Entering the house Clay kicked off his sneakers and aimed for the couch. “I’ll take that to sleep a few hours.”

Emma sorted the shoes left behind and chuckled when she saw the broad man snuggling deeper into the cushion of their couch, reminding her of her father who had slept on the couch rather often. She made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge in search for orange juice. “Do you want some, Uncle C?” The lack of answer made her turn around where she saw the SEAL snore slightly while hugging a pillow close to his chest. She chuckled lightly and waved her father away. “I’ll do my homework here and keep an eye on him. Take a shower and go to sleep.” 

Jason seemed to hasitate for a second because he knew how complicated it could be to wake a SEAL in case of a nightmare. A stern look from Emma made him nod. “Alright, alright. But you get me if something seems off. I don’t want you to touch him while he is asleep. Who knows how Clay would react to that.” Emma rolled her eyes and snatched her Laptop from the kitchens counter. “Dad, I lived my whole life with a SEAL. I know what to do and what not to do. Now go!” She poured herself a cup of juice and took the bowl with strawberries towards the armchair near Clay. 

The next hours where filled with silence except for the clicking of Emma’s keyboard. She had managed to do most of her work by the time Clay started to wake up. She pulled her headphones out and waited a few more minutes. “Good morning sunshine.” Clay seemed a little bit confused by his surroundings but seeing Emma made all the memories come back. And with that the embarrassment too. “Oh, hey Emma. How long have I been out?” The girl took a look at her phone and shrugged. “About two to three hours. Do you want something to drink?” 

Gratefully Clay nodded and pushed himself into a sitting position. The Laptop Emma had been working with was now standing opened on the coffee table. And an accidental look on it showed Clay the topic Emma had been searching about. Before Clay could completely process what he saw a glas was pushed into his hands. “Uhm, thanks. Why are you looking into that?” A small smile ghosted over Emma’s lips. “I am thinking about taking some lectures in psychologies when I go to college.” And again Clay was at a loss for words. “But why?” 

Silence filled the room and Clay feared that he had crossed a private line with the question. “You don’t have to tell me, really. And it is not my place to ask about it.” He gathered his abandoned cap laying on the coffee table and tried to stand up but he was interrupted by Emma grabbing his wrist. “No, it’s alright. I just haven’t told anybody about it till now. I have seen all of my fathers friends and colleagues struggle with mental health. I want to be part of the solution and I think that studying psychology would give me insights in the ways I could help military servants to deal with their trauma.” 

Clay had long ago retaken his seat on the couch. “Wow, Emma. You are such an intelligent and thoughtful woman. Your father can be really proud of you. But how come that you are searching about panic attacks now?” Closing the Laptop Emma avoided looking directly at Clay. “Brock told us that he needed to get Cerberus because you had a panic attack and I wanted to do research on what I could do to help you. Or what triggers it, so you can avoid it happening in the future.” One could have said that there was a tear glistening in the eyes of one bad-ass SEAL. 

“You are truly one of a kind. And you already helped me. I needed to sleep because I was exhausted and you didn’t crowd me. I needed space to rest, not questions that I know you must have had. But you put your needs aside to help me. Thank you.” Now it was Emma who was blushing under the compliments. After a few second of awkward silence Clay leaned back into the soft couch. “Do you want to know what caused it? And how it felt to me?” Not daring to upset the soldier Emma had hesitated to ask. “If you are really okay with that I would like to learn about that.” Clay nodded and stared at his big hands. 

“You already know that I was hit by the blast of a bomb going of, nearly a year ago.” The girl nodded but didn’t speak up, afraid to interrupt the others thoughts. “Well, the last thing I saw was the black backpack the bomb had been in. A phone rang and it went off. Today, in the locker room, I heard the same ringing and when I went to look where it came from I saw the black backpack. I guess it triggered the flashback to the bombing when I felt absolute terror. I was frozen, couldn’t move. And the leg I had hurt in the bombing started to hurt suddenly. I know that it healed but suddenly it just hurt. Because of the shock I fell to the ground. The next thing I was aware of is how my brothers where speaking to me, trying to keep me calm. Everything after that is a little bit blurry, but I think that is because of the exhaustion.”

Emma had pulled her knees to her chest and couldn’t help but stare at her Uncle. He hadn’t been in her life for as long as Uncle Sonny, or Uncle Ray, but he was still part of her family and seeing him struggle was hurting her. Clay’s attention shifted from his hands to the quiet teenager. When he saw the tears glistening in her eyes he stood up and pulled her into a hug. 

“Shhh, I know that it is hard for you to hear that from someone you know and you are scared for all of us, especially your dad. But this didn’t happen because we are in the military. It happened because there are bad people in the world who try to hurt others. This bomb could have gone of everywhere and hurt us even if we weren’t SEALs. I know it is hard to let your father go out there and I admire you for your strength.” A quiet sob escaped Emma when thinking about all the ways her father and his brothers could get hurt overseas. A hand was stroking her back, comforting her and helping her to calm down. 

“I know it is hard. My father was a SEAL too and he was almost never home. But you can be sure that your father loves you and your brother deeply. He will always fight to come back and more importantly, he has five brothers fighting with him and for him to come back. We take care of each other.” Emma nodded into Clay’s chest and inhaled as much oxygen as she could to calm herself down. “I know and I am proud of all of you, too. Thank you, Uncle C” Taking Emma by her shoulders Clay pushed her at arms length. 

“Now tell me about the lectures. Where do you want to study, and what do you want to specify in?” Wiping away the last tears she picked up her Laptop and sat at Clay’s side. “So, this university has lectures in psychology and I can still study art.”   
When Jason entered the living room another hour later he saw his daughter and his youngest brother sitting on the ground, papers spread all over the coffee table. “What is going on? Are you both trying to study right here?” 

Emma looked up from her position on the ground and smiled. “No, but Uncle Clay is helping me with the forms I need to apply to the university. And we are working on a way to finance it. I know that we will need your help with that but I just wanted to start on working up ideas.” Seeing his girl smile and talk about something that made her happy was the best thing Jason could imagine. 

Just a few hours ago he had been the one sitting on the floor helping his teammate and now the same one was sitting on his floor helping his daughter prepare for one of the biggest decisions in her life. Sure, he was a bit jealous but he was also grateful that Clay was willing to help her. 

“Alright, time for a break don’t you think? Let Clay freshen up while I make dinner. And you can tell me about your plans.” Clay nodded and made his way towards the bathroom. Jason had taken his bag with fresh clothes to the bathroom and a towel was sitting on the sink. Smiling Clay turned the shower on and showered. Emma and her father were preparing sandwiches in the meantime. Turkey for Mikey, grilled cheese for Emma and Clay and Bacon for Jason. 

To say that Jason was surprised by Emma’s desire to help soldiers by studying psychology was an understatement but after a few minutes he realized that it was really important for Emma. “Come here kid. I am proud of you, no matter what. But hearing that you want to help fellow soldiers… It will be hard and you will have to fight for it but I am sure no one is better suited for it than you.” The embrace was interrupted by Mikey calling for his sandwich and Clay leaving the bathroom. “We will talk about the details in the future.” 

The dinner was filled with chatter and laughter and suddenly the time had come where Clay should leave to go home. “Thank you guys for having me, but I should probably call a uber. Time to go home.” Jason shook his head and took Clay’s plate to put it in the sink. “No way. I am driving you home. It won’t take long and Emma and Mikey will be alright.” Clay tried to decline him but in the end Jason won. After saying goodbye to the children and thanking Emma for talking to him Clay and Jason made their way towards Clay’s apartment. 

The route from Jason’s hose to Clay’s apartment was really not long and about 20 minutes later the two adults were sitting in the parked car. “Thank you Jason for everything. I owe you one.” His boss shook his head. “Nah, we are even. You helped my daughter get trough all her forms. I could never understand all of that bureaucratic paperwork. And you told her something about a way to finance the first semesters at the uni?” Nodding Clay opened his door a bit. “I have a bank account. It isn’t much but I don’t need it and I want Emma to have it.” 

“No way. I am not taking your money. I’ll find another way to pay the costs.” Clay pulled the door shut again and looked Jason in the eye. “Please take it. I have other accounts where I gathered my money I earned. But the money I want to give her is from my father. It is the money he sent my grandparents as alimony. They didn’t need it because they lived from donations and so on. My grandmother opened a bank account and put it there in case I need it but I haven’t touched it in years. I never wanted to take my father’s money. It wasn’t honestly earned money. You and Emma, you will do something good of his dirty money.” 

Suddenly Jason pulled Clay into a side hug. “Are you really sure? I can find another way.” Clay shook his head again and smiled. “No. She wants to be a fighter for soldiers and if I can help her with money, I’ll gladly do it. After everything that happened with Swanny, I want to do something that is right and helpful.” Another moment of silence passed before Clay left the car to walk up to his door. 

He felt something fall in place. He felt at peace. Maybe he would never be ably to help another soldier with their trauma but he could make sure to help Emma be a good psychologist.

**Author's Note:**

> Be thoughtful. You never know what someone is going trough. ♥  
> I personally have no real experience with panic attacks but I hope that I didn't offend anyone. If something is really wrong with the story please contact me.  
> All in all I would be happy to hear your opnion so please leave a review :)


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